Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
