Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My dick has a subreddit
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
