guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
