eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
