I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Me too!
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
