Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
