So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
