When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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