great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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