So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
