I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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