My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
