Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
