There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
