WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
