Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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