Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
