Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
