hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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