There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
