ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
