i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Non-Jews are for practice
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
