I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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