The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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