Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
