he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
How's work?
Spinning.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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