His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
