yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
and she was petting her beer can
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
