He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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