Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
