what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
