Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm always down for nudity.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
