I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
