OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
