She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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