I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
