i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
