Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
