I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
