dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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