i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
it was like eating out sand paper
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
