I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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