im six kinds of drunk right now
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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