She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
