If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
