my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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