So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
