He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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