update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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