I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
